


Sinking

by DoctorsOrders



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Anal Sex, Confusion, Consent Issues, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Guilt, Hard Stop, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Past Rape/Non-con, Triggers, angsty fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 15:44:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11535330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorsOrders/pseuds/DoctorsOrders
Summary: Jim knows it's different with Bones, but he still has to make sure





	Sinking

**Author's Note:**

> This is not going to be for everyone, in fact it might not be for anyone...that's up to you. I just needed to write it.
> 
> NonCon is **not** between Jim and Bones, it's a past issue, but I'm sure it will still be very upsetting if that is one of your triggers. You have been warned, please heed.

_Fuck_ , Jim felt good. Jim moved under him so beautifully. It was as though they were in sync, like they’d been fucking for years instead of weeks. Like Jim knew how to move and sigh and clench just in the specific way to drive Leonard absolutely wild. He turned to kiss Jim’s bent knee, currently thrown over his shoulder, Jim trembled and moaned, and _jesus_ , Leonard was going to come any second. He reached between them, hand searching for Jim’s cock, wanting him to come first. Leonard wanted to feel Jim come around him. 

 

“S-s-st…” Jim choked suddenly, “S-stop. Stop.” 

 

Leonard froze. He scrambled to pull out of Jim in one hasty motion. He couldn’t help the grunt that caught at this throat. An icy fear rushed over him, dampening the heat of his arousal. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, what is it?” Leonard asked, eyes searching a stilled Jim frantically. 

 

He moved away, letting Jim’s legs drop to the bed. Somehow that seemed to make things worse, tears spilling over Jim’s cheeks. 

 

What the fuck had he done? 

 

“Hey, _hey_ , it’s alright,” Leonard tried, hand hesitating in the air, unsure if he should touch Jim.

 

It wasn’t alright, _obviously_. Jim was crying in his bed and Leonard was absolutely powerless to stop it, in fact, he was likely the reason Jim was crying. 

 

He cupped Jim’s jaw in his hand, trying to soothe him in some way. Jim nuzzled against it, pushing his wet face against Leonard’s hand like a hopeful cat. Leonard wanted to pull him in close, wrap his arms around Jim’s shaking body and hold him until this storm passed. He wanted to, but he wasn’t sure he should. Wasn’t sure that that was what Jim would want. He wasn’t sure of anything in that moment. 

 

“What do you need?” 

 

Jim sniffled, worrying his lip with his teeth. 

 

Leonard made to pull his hand away, wanting to shift, perhaps get Jim something to cover up with, but Jim caught Leonard’s hand with his own, clutching his arm to his body. That was good at least, Leonard could see the contact was some small help. 

 

“Darlin’, you’re scaring me,” Leonard breathed softly as Jim scooted over on his knees, falling against Leonard’s lap.

 

He ran his hand along Jim's back. He had to keep himself calm, Jim didn't need him to lose it right now, he didn't have any right to.

 

“What’s wrong?” Leonard asked again softly. 

 

He didn’t know what he could have possibly done. It hadn’t felt as though anything had been wrong, but clearly something had been, _clearly_ he hadn’t read Jim correctly. He hated feeling this powerless, hated that he could have done something to get Jim this upset. He didn’t know what to do.

 

Jim wouldn't look at him, but didn’t seem to want to let him go. Jim was crying silently, Leonard could only tell by the tear drops that would occasionally splash on his leg. Leonard stroked what he hoped was a soothing hand though Jim’s hair, trying to quell his own boiling panic. 

 

When Jim shifted it was into a slow and uncertain sitting position. He looked at Leonard, searching for _something_. Leonard couldn’t tell what. He must have found it, because Jim practically painted himself into Leonard’s arms.

 

“It’s okay,” he reassured, not even knowing what he was talking about himself. Leonard kissed the top of Jim’s head, shushing him. Jim’s held his arms tighter around him.

 

They stayed that way for the better part of fifteen minutes. Leonard keeping his breathing as calm as his racing mind would allow, not wanting to upset Jim. Truth be told, he partially wanted to throw himself out a window in dismay and anxiety. 

 

“Thank you,” Jim finally said hoarsely against his chest. 

 

Leonard bristled, not quite realizing Jim was still awake. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, “Jim, darlin’, please don’t thank me. Tell me what _happened_.” 

 

Jim pulled away just a bit, his eyes swollen and wide, his voice tiny, “You stoped.” 

 

Leonard managed not to recoil, but he couldn’t make heads or tails of what was going on. Jim had broken down because Leonard had stopped, like Jim had asked? That didn’t make any sense, _fuck_ his head hurt.

 

Jim let his gaze fall down to Leonard’s chest. “I thought I could trust you, but now I _know_. You stopped, just like that.” 

 

“Of course I did,” Leonard gaped. 

 

“Not everyone stops when you ask,” Jim said sadly, a story waiting to unfurl hidden in the words.

 

Leonard got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

 

“Some people keep going. Even when you beg…even when it hurts,” Jim looked up at him warily, gauging Leonard’s reaction, “When you’re shaking and it feels like you’re going to die.” 

 

Leonard felt a little like he was going to die. He had to force himself to swallow. He hoped Jim wasn’t saying what he already knew he was. 

 

“And I know you wouldn’t do that…I know, but I just had to make sure. I needed to feel you stop.”

 

“ _Jesus_ , Jim,” Leonard heard himself say.

 

“Renatta said not to give you _tests_ , but…she doesn't—it’s so hard to trust anyone after…and I just had to know. I know you’re not _him_ , but it hasn’t gone this far with anyone since…since…”

 

“ _Okay_ , it’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I understand.” 

 

“…you don’t,” Jim said quietly. It wasn’t a fight, just a reminder. 

 

“I’m sorry, you’re right. You’re _right_ , I don’t.” 

 

Jim let out a huge breath, finally looking like he’d calmed. 

 

“Who’s Renatta?” Leonard asked gently. 

 

Jim blinked at him a few times. “My therapist.” 

 

“Oh, alright.” 

 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Leonard rubbed Jim’s shoulder. He didn’t know what else to say. What else to _do_. He had no idea what Jim wanted from him, didn’t want to keep pestering Jim with questions, didn’t want Jim to think he couldn’t keep talking if that was what he needed. The silence stretched on and Jim kissed the top of Leonard’s hand rested on Jim’s shoulder. 

 

“I didn’t hurt you?” Leonard asked hesitantly. He just needed to confirm he hadn't. If this was just what Jim had needed that was fine, but if he’d contributed to it in any way…

 

“ _No_ ,” Jim said, his shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry, Bones, I’m so—”

 

“That’s enough, sweetheart. You don’t have to apologize. _Please_ don’t apologize.” 

 

Jim looked at him warily, like he wasn’t sure what he’d see on Leonard’s face. “Okay.” 

 

“Can I do anything? Can I do anything to help right now?” 

 

“Just this, just hold me.” 


End file.
